I decided to get organized. So, I put on my hard hat and got to work. While rummaging through old papers and doing the annual purge, I found a note I'd written around the time I began this blog. This is what it said.
"There is a certain freedom in embracing the person inside. Not caring what whoever thinks. Not caring what whoever says. I spent so much time caring, yearning for acceptance. I wanted that special guy to come 'save me'. Well… I've played damsel in distress for way too long. Time to put on my big girl panties and love myself, free of outside input. There was this guy… okay, not just a guy. He was a really good friend. The only guy friend I've ever had, and frankly the only guy that’s ever made an effort to get to know me. We clicked. Had a lot of laughs, smiled till our cheeks hurt, and just had fun. The thing is I ruined our friendship. I ruined it because I started feeling these stupid feelings. I started getting butterflies, blushing, and being 'that girl'. You know- the one that brings a little vomit to your mouth, because watching her throwing herself @ said man disgusts you… yeah, her. I sacrificed a friendship because I’m human. BUT it served as a major learning experience. And I finally feel the beauty of moving on. I allowed him to control my mood and my emotions. WHO DOES THAT? Well, me. A girl who really genuinely cared. I sought advice from close friends. I shed many tears. I even was crazy enough to think he’d come back. Beg me to take him. Tell me he actually liked me more than just his friend. It didn't happen. And I wasted so many opportunities, so many experiences, waiting on a man who never wanted me. Wanting a man who never thought twice about me. Giving him control, again. There were repercussions, too. Emotionally- I didn't want to open up to anyone. Pushed people away. Avoided connection.
The beauty of moving on—the wisdom follows you. Becomes a part of you. And the pain dulls and fades. Your heart miraculously repairs. It puts some Neosporin and Band-Aids on those wounds and screams “USE ME AGAIN!” So, here I am. 19 years old. Alone. And loving it. Here’s to living my life for ME. Here’s to loving myself FOREVER. HERE’S TO STARTING FRESH!"
After reading I felt a sense of pride. See, when we go through our highs and lows of life we sometimes forget that the wisdom we seek is right there-- inside of us.
I hope you feel your own wisdom. May it be in the form of a note, a self-pep talk, or simply listening closely to your heart. Because whether you know it or not- things will get better. Know how I know? Easy. You're a beautiful person. And you will find your way.
I love you,
Kelsie.
"There is a certain freedom in embracing the person inside. Not caring what whoever thinks. Not caring what whoever says. I spent so much time caring, yearning for acceptance. I wanted that special guy to come 'save me'. Well… I've played damsel in distress for way too long. Time to put on my big girl panties and love myself, free of outside input. There was this guy… okay, not just a guy. He was a really good friend. The only guy friend I've ever had, and frankly the only guy that’s ever made an effort to get to know me. We clicked. Had a lot of laughs, smiled till our cheeks hurt, and just had fun. The thing is I ruined our friendship. I ruined it because I started feeling these stupid feelings. I started getting butterflies, blushing, and being 'that girl'. You know- the one that brings a little vomit to your mouth, because watching her throwing herself @ said man disgusts you… yeah, her. I sacrificed a friendship because I’m human. BUT it served as a major learning experience. And I finally feel the beauty of moving on. I allowed him to control my mood and my emotions. WHO DOES THAT? Well, me. A girl who really genuinely cared. I sought advice from close friends. I shed many tears. I even was crazy enough to think he’d come back. Beg me to take him. Tell me he actually liked me more than just his friend. It didn't happen. And I wasted so many opportunities, so many experiences, waiting on a man who never wanted me. Wanting a man who never thought twice about me. Giving him control, again. There were repercussions, too. Emotionally- I didn't want to open up to anyone. Pushed people away. Avoided connection.
The beauty of moving on—the wisdom follows you. Becomes a part of you. And the pain dulls and fades. Your heart miraculously repairs. It puts some Neosporin and Band-Aids on those wounds and screams “USE ME AGAIN!” So, here I am. 19 years old. Alone. And loving it. Here’s to living my life for ME. Here’s to loving myself FOREVER. HERE’S TO STARTING FRESH!"
After reading I felt a sense of pride. See, when we go through our highs and lows of life we sometimes forget that the wisdom we seek is right there-- inside of us.
I hope you feel your own wisdom. May it be in the form of a note, a self-pep talk, or simply listening closely to your heart. Because whether you know it or not- things will get better. Know how I know? Easy. You're a beautiful person. And you will find your way.
I love you,
Kelsie.
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