I've got three essays, online homework, studying to do, and note cards to make. But for some reason- time stopped me today. It's like-- it all hit me. Life. Progression. Happy times. Memories. Reflection. It all came at once.
See, I spent my entire high school career waiting for the day it would be over. I wanted to graduate already. I wanted to be an adult. I wanted to be taken seriously and take care of myself. Most importantly, I wanted to go to college, move away, and never look back.
Then, I got to college. And all I wanted to do was survive my freshman year and succeed, to prove I could handle it. Now, I'm in my sophomore year and tirelessly working to complete my psychology degree, so I can "get to grad school already". See a pattern, yet? I do.
The problem is-- I've been spending my whole life living for the future. Accomplishing one thing in order to progress to another. What happens when I've finally climbed to the top of the ladder? What happens when the goal setting and completing is over? When does wishing right now away, just to get to next week... stop? Does any of it even matter, if I have abandoned the "living" part of life?
Recent events have really opened my eyes. I can't be so goal oriented...so academically driven...so ambitious....that I forget to enjoy the journey that brings me to the destination.
It's sad that death has to teach us about life. And how much it matters. And how short it truly is. But the only thing that matters-- is that we finally learn. I finally did.
Currently, my chihuahua is dancing in circles-- trying to get my attention. The note cards can wait...I'm going to dance with my dog.
Saturday, September 28, 2013
Thursday, September 26, 2013
Sunshine.
My best friend, Courtney, is the brightest ray of sunshine you will ever meet. And this summer, when I had the privilege of meeting her loving family-- I finally got to see where that special spirit comes from. Though I never truly "got to know" them, their warm and welcoming nature could be distinctly felt.
Courtney is the definition of a true friend. Someone who you can call, bawling your eyes out, and each consoling word that comes out her mouth is healing.
Courtney is that girl. The one whose smile just makes your heart feel a little bit lighter. The one who asks how your day is going, when she's having a bad one. The one who is patient, when you don't make sense. The one who looks out for you, laughs with you, and always has the right words.
I've been searching for those right words. And I haven't found them. Because there's nothing I can say. Nothing that will heal her wound. Nothing that will ease her pain. Nothing that will bring back the sweetest little boy, who is her brother.
If I could I take away every ounce of her pain, I would. I think we all would. But we can't.
So instead, I'm going hug my loved one's a little tighter. I'm going to go through my life with a new outlook. With a new appreciation for everything and everyone. I'm going to try to be a little bit more like Jake. Because from what I've read, and from I've heard, he was one stellar human being. Someone who made quite the difference- to our entire community.
I think the question we are left with-- is where do we find peace. And I think answer is-- from each other. I've never in my life teared up scrolling through my Facebook feed. Not until tonight- when I felt more love and unity than ever.
I've never been more inspired. And I've never been prouder to be a slicer.
Wednesday, September 18, 2013
Dining for one
Today I listened to my inner McAlister's fan. After an early morning test, I decided it was time to grub. So, to celebrate- I took a trip down the road to McAlister's. It's my all-time favorite place to eat here in Indy. If you haven't been-- you HAVE to go! Friends were busy, so I decided to dine in by myself.
Now, I don't know how many of you have eaten at a restaurant alone, but I felt a little uneasy at first. Once I arrived, though, the relaxing atmosphere made me feel welcome. Yeah, I was at the right place.
After I ordered I thought... "what to do?.." The answer- PEOPLE WATCH! It's such a FUN hobby. I just love watching them, trying to figure out their lives, witnessing their honest moments. It's peaceful. And today, it was inspirational.
I took a plop outside. The temperature was perfect. Flowers were fragrant in the air. And-- there were even little birds perched on the fence. I sat there. At first- a little frazzled. My mind racing, thinking of everything on my "to-do" list. Wondering how it was even humanly possible to get it done. Pondering my life- obligations- and piled high assignments.
As I was busy worrying, I heard some belly laughter from a nearby table. It was five elderly women. Silver hair. Great fashion sense. Dainty make-up. And my inner stalker/eavesdropper came to surface.
They were catching up. Talking about life, old memories, hot men, and there were even a few sexual comments. I LOVED it. They were hilarious.
Their raw, genuine happiness sparked some self-reflection on my part. I thought about my life. I imagined me, 40 years from now- at that table- reminiscing with my girls. Where will we all be? What will we have gone through by then?
I thought about getting older and how I will handle it. I thought about time and how fast it truly flies. I thought about my family & friends and how much I love and miss them. Most of all- I thought about these last years in college. I only have two more. Why is it that I complain so often, when I'm blessed with so much.
People can tell us a million times to cherish every second of your life- but we won't. No, not until something opens our eyes. Something as simple as witnessing a conversation between old friends.
These last two years are the time to make those "belly laugh" worthy memories. This is the time to appreciate being in school. It's a time to value the friends who surround you. Because- chances are.. after graduation- everyone is going to be busy building their own lives. Raising their own children. Going their own direction. And it won't be until all of that settles down- before you come back together, and meet for lunch- where you'll recall all those times you spent together. When you'll be brought back to a place you once couldn't wait to leave. And that place will hold the biggest smiles in your heart.
Those beautiful ladies were amusing. They were also a reminder. 50 years from now really is going to feel like yesterday..only it won't be. I don't know about you- but I hope I'm at that table, wrinkles and all, still laughing. Still the same quirky, wild, edgy me. Surrounded by pals who bring out the best in me. I can only pray that one day- I'll be sitting right were they were. Remembering the past and making new memories as I do it.
Now, I don't know how many of you have eaten at a restaurant alone, but I felt a little uneasy at first. Once I arrived, though, the relaxing atmosphere made me feel welcome. Yeah, I was at the right place.
After I ordered I thought... "what to do?.." The answer- PEOPLE WATCH! It's such a FUN hobby. I just love watching them, trying to figure out their lives, witnessing their honest moments. It's peaceful. And today, it was inspirational.
I took a plop outside. The temperature was perfect. Flowers were fragrant in the air. And-- there were even little birds perched on the fence. I sat there. At first- a little frazzled. My mind racing, thinking of everything on my "to-do" list. Wondering how it was even humanly possible to get it done. Pondering my life- obligations- and piled high assignments.
As I was busy worrying, I heard some belly laughter from a nearby table. It was five elderly women. Silver hair. Great fashion sense. Dainty make-up. And my inner stalker/eavesdropper came to surface.
They were catching up. Talking about life, old memories, hot men, and there were even a few sexual comments. I LOVED it. They were hilarious.
Their raw, genuine happiness sparked some self-reflection on my part. I thought about my life. I imagined me, 40 years from now- at that table- reminiscing with my girls. Where will we all be? What will we have gone through by then?
I thought about getting older and how I will handle it. I thought about time and how fast it truly flies. I thought about my family & friends and how much I love and miss them. Most of all- I thought about these last years in college. I only have two more. Why is it that I complain so often, when I'm blessed with so much.
People can tell us a million times to cherish every second of your life- but we won't. No, not until something opens our eyes. Something as simple as witnessing a conversation between old friends.
These last two years are the time to make those "belly laugh" worthy memories. This is the time to appreciate being in school. It's a time to value the friends who surround you. Because- chances are.. after graduation- everyone is going to be busy building their own lives. Raising their own children. Going their own direction. And it won't be until all of that settles down- before you come back together, and meet for lunch- where you'll recall all those times you spent together. When you'll be brought back to a place you once couldn't wait to leave. And that place will hold the biggest smiles in your heart.
Those beautiful ladies were amusing. They were also a reminder. 50 years from now really is going to feel like yesterday..only it won't be. I don't know about you- but I hope I'm at that table, wrinkles and all, still laughing. Still the same quirky, wild, edgy me. Surrounded by pals who bring out the best in me. I can only pray that one day- I'll be sitting right were they were. Remembering the past and making new memories as I do it.
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