Slippery Speeches

It's SNOWING! Watching the flakes blow and glide in the air brings back memories of home. See, in my hometown... snow is NOT a stranger. Back in the school days, we'd load on the bus. A few snot icicles and many slick roads later, we'd be at school, completely unphased.

Needless to say, I LOVE snow. Guess it's the Laportean in me. Any who  the weather conditions reminded me of a memory from my freshman year of high school.

Here's the story:

So, I'm pretty sure I can speak for most people when I say-- the idea of giving a speech literally makes me want to vomit.

 Well, just so happens... to graduate from high school you're required to take this class called, speech. Pfft. Awesome.

It was early into the trimester and Mr. Lampl assigned our very first SPEECH. It had to be about ourselves, blah blah blah.. you get it.

Needless to say, I'd been worrying about this darn speech for what seemed like forEVER. And the day was finally here.

BUT... I was prepared. With note cards pretty much memorized, decently dressed, and the power of positive thinking, I was finally ready.

I stomped through the snow and hopped on the bus, anticipating the day ahead.

So, we arrive at school (and of course, I've been studying these note cards the whole way there-- so they were in my hand). I say good-bye to my dear old bus driver and all of the sudden-- my feet slip right from under me.. missing the first, second, and THIRD icy step. And I fell. In the snow. On the ice. Note cards flew every which way. They were muddy, under the bus, and definitely not repairable. There went the note cards. And there went my dignity.

SO what did I do? I just started laughing. Uncontrollably. Then, I got up-- Tried to find what was left of my wet note cards and proceeded into the building, with a circular wet spot on my behind.

But, you know what? When it came to that speech, I wasn't even nervous. Because that fall taught me a little something. Life moves on. I fell. I got back up. And I move on.

No one would remember this speech. It would happen. It would be over. And I would be okay.

Reflecting back on that made me realize something.

This great life is kind of like a speech. There will be times when you feel extremely uncomfortable, but you will have to keep going anyway. There will be times when you will have no choice but to face your fear, and you will do it. Because it's just part of life.

Like me on that slippery bus, life is a slippery ride. You fall. You get back up. And with a smile, you keep moving.

Stay safe my wonderful readers. And remember to keep an eye out for those ice patches.

This has nothing to do with anything. Just made me laugh. :)

da solo

Da solo, in Italian, means alone. That's what I've been for 19 years. 19 years without dating.

Instead, I've surrounded myself with the people that mean the most to me. I'm welcomed with love by my awesome family. I'm accepted and embraced by my best of friends. I'm whole. I'm complete without anyone in the picture. It's how I've always been. Some call it independent--- I like to think of it as inner peace.

See, it's too easy to feel like you need someone else in your life to feel complete. To make you who you are. It's just not true. In order to love with your whole heart, you must first love every inch of yourself. Being alone is perfectly okay. There's nothing wrong with it. Because when it's your time for love, you'll know. When it's time to open your heart and share that inner peace with that special someone-- you will.

When I tell people I've never been in a relationship, I see the silent gasp in their eyes. They often offer immediate pity--"you poor thing...we need to find you a man!"

What they don't know is-- a man isn't going to fix me or my problems. He isn't going to know me, unless I know myself first. He can't give me compliments, until I'm willing to believe them. He can't make me feel whole-- I have to do that on my own first.

I don't want to be that person who needs to have a boyfriend, because they're afraid of being alone. I want to be that person who is comfortable being alone but wants to have a boyfriend, because they're ready to share their life.

The most important relationship you'll ever have is with yourself. Do you even know who you are? I mean, do you REALLY know who you are? If you're not content with living in your own skin-- without someone there to give you attention....that may be a tough question to answer. But you have to know. And once you know-- explore what you are capable of ALONE. You'll be surprised how strong you really are.

The best part-- you will never EVER rely solely on a man to make you feel happy or important. Because you know that you already are- without anyone else influencing your feelings.

I'm not saying that having a boyfriend is wrong. I'm just saying, timing is everything. Eventually, I want to share my experiences with someone, too. But for now, I'm enjoying this time in my life. I'm too young to be committed. Right now is the time that I'm taking on challenges that are way too big for me... with a smile.. because I know I can prove to MYSELF that I CAN do it. I'm taking risks and going far far out of my "comfort zone". This is my path. For me, it works... and I know one day I'll be ready. But until then, I'll leave you with a story.

I once read some advice from a beautiful, wonderful woman. She's kind of taken the role of my "mentor", without even knowing it. Saoud says that "good things come to those who wait." And she's my inspiration. After waiting for a long while, shes finally living her real life fairy tale. She found her one true love. She found what she's always deserved. It just took a little patience. And it took courage, deciding not to settle- until the right one swept her off her feet. This gives me hope.

This great life is full of people like me, maybe even people like you...people who are waiting for the right moment, the right one, the right man.... and knowing that makes me feel less da solo.

You have to know who you are, right?

Ladies, gents, people of hope and happiness-- you HAVE to know who you are. So, what do I mean by this? 

Many fellow human beings think that this great life is about finding yourself. Wrong. This great life is about creating yourself. The awesome part? You have the power to create your own story. You have the power to be, act, represent, and embrace the person inside. 

Don't be unsure. Don't be insecure. Don't be bland and blahh... Be YOU! If you're not you, then you've not only deprived the world of something special....you've let yourself down. You've let diversity down. 

If I had to pick one phrase that I absolutely CANNOT stand, it's YOLO. You only live once. I like that part. BUT, tragically... so many people misinterpret this. YOLO doesn't mean throw your morals out the window. YOLO doesn't mean that you're supposed to abandon your conscience to "fit in". YOLO means that YOU-- yeah, you know the one that's contributing greatness to this world?.... ONLY LIVE ONCE. So don't waste your potential. Make it happen, right now. Don't drink it away. Don't change to be like everyone else. Love the way you are, the who you are, and the how you are. Just be you and love it. 

Stop the treacherous search. You'll never find anything. Because what you're looking for... reason, importance, purpose, ... it's all inside. It's in you. Right now. At this very moment. And I ask you, I beg you... to please, be true to WHO YOU ARE. Because you have to know who you are, right? 

It's really true--life is what you make it. You hate your job? Find one that inspires you. You want to go back to school? Go. You want a fairy tale happy ending? Never stop believing in magic. You did something really awful? Forgive yourself. 

The point is...anything, and I mean ANYTHING is possible. You're possible. 

Quick Guide to Seeing Yourself from Within

1. Close your eyes.
2. Relax.
3. Take two deep breaths in and out.
4. Picture the person you've always wanted to be.
5. Picture the person you've always wanted to be, only now they're standing next to you.
6. Shake hands.
7. Congrats, you've just met yourself. 
8. The person you've always wanted to be is YOU.
9. Now, slowly open your eyes.
10. Smile. [really smile]
11. Say out loud... "I'm possible."
12. You're amazing. 

      

Beautiful readers', I wish you EVERYTHING wonderful in this great life. And for the record. I freaking love who you are, right now!

Digging for M&M's

Yeah, I know what Forest said... "Life is like a box of chocolates. You never know what you're gonna get.." But I've got a different take on life.

To me, life is like a  bag of trail mix. I don't know about you, but I'm always digging for the M&M's. 

Heck, M&M's are the reason I even buy the bag. Those multi-colored, salvation worthy, honk if you love sugar, circles of chocolate, pull at my heart strings and scream, "eat me". I'll sit there and sift through the never ending amount of nuts. I'll pick out every darn raisin. I'll even risk getting my hands all  salty and gross-- all for that green M&M at the bottom of the bag.

Point is- that's my take on life in a nutshell, no pun intended. Let me explain by giving you my life recipe-- trail mix style.

Trail Mix Recipe of Life

*And then come the nuts, and more nuts, oooo... even more nuts. *

• So the nuts. In life, these are those ordinary happenings. You know- those boring, dull moments. Mediocre moments that are decent but nothing special. That's when "rolling with the motions" comes into play. It then becomes a habit. You can't help it. Just happens. And everyday becomes, ehhh. The sad part-- just like the nuts in the bag of trail mix, life can sometimes be off balance- with averageness taking over!  And then comes the ehh, and more ehh, and oooo... even more ehhhhh. Well, I say.. DON'T SETTLE! Do what you do when you're digging for the M&M's. Sift through the never ending amount of okayness, and fight for what you really want. Fight for the extraordinary moments! Life shouldn't be filled with normalcy. Spice it up. Dig for the good stuff. Even if it means you've gotta take time to make it happen. Risk failure. Go out of your "comfort zone". In the recipe of life, the comfort zone=nuts in the bag. It's easy. It's convenient. It doesn't require any effort. But the problem with settling is you'll never really feel true satisfaction. And that leads to regret.  

*Those Pesky Raisins*

• Pesky, pesky, pesky. In the recipe of life, the raisins=obligations. Just like you pick those shrively raisins out of the trail mix, complete your obligations like a speed demon. Get them done. Don't procrastinate. Procrastination causes high stress situations, which cause unwanted feelings of nausea/flu like symptoms, which leads you to MISS OUT on the good stuff. I know, I know, putting it off is easy. In fact, I'm probably the master of procrastinating. But-- I'm working on it. And I feel SO MUCH MORE AT EASE. I'm checking off those obligations. Getting one step closer to the FUN, EXCITING adventures in life. Throw them pesky raisins out the window. Like a boss. 

* The good stuff *

• Congratulations! You've dug your little heart out. Now, you're at the bottom of the bag. And there's nothing stopping you from grabbing that green M&M at outrageously high speeds, and basically inhaling it. This is the good stuff. In the recipe of life, M&M's=happy, unforgettable, absolutely everything wonderful, feeling like you're qualified to serenade Gerard Butler, moments. They are rare. That's why there's only a small amount of M&M's in every bag of trail mix. It's the best part. It's the memorable times in life. It's that vacation you've been wanting to take. It's that marathon you've been dying to enter. It's that itch you've been yearning to scratch. Well, I say scratch it. This great life isn't a recipe. I understand that, but I also think that there's more to it than being a robot. Same routine, day in and day out. No, that's not how it should be. The thing is, yeah- in the bag of manufactured trail mix there's only a few M&M's. But in life, YOU have the ability to eat as many "M&M's" as you want. YOU decide. It may take a little grunting. It may take a little work. It may require some organization or planning. Whatever the criteria, IT'S TOTALLY POSSIBLE! 

This great life will eventually come to an end. Don't be that person that says, "I wish I would have..." So... what are you waiting for? Start digging. 

If you're having a bad day- read this

Yesterday, I had a bad day. It happens to all of us, right? What did I do? Well, I made a date with Sims 3, Lifetime, and Rocky Road ice cream. Then, I realized something.

It's too easy to focus on negatives. There always seems to be this mental checklist of obligations/wants/needs that have yet to be fulfilled.  When will we realize that we are WAY TOO darn hard on ourselves? 

So what.... you're having a bad day. You made a mistake. Things aren't going your way. Something awful has happened. A really nice looking fella turned you down for a date. You were caught singing in the shower. The pants that fit last week are feeling a little snug today. You just got dumped. You're stressing out about starting another semester of college. (my sitch.) I'm here to break the GOOD NEWS! It's okay to not be okay. Something I've come to understand and experience. Let yourself have this bad day. Then, pick up the pieces, right sign, pride, microphone, carrot, tissues, and in my case, books. And start fresh tomorrow. 

Remember that you are LOVED. Remember that you are BEAUTIFUL. Remember that you are WORTH IT. Remember that this WON'T LAST FOREVER. Remember to SMILE. 

This great life doesn't come with a manual. Sometimes we've got to endure tough times-- with no direction. Sometimes we even feel a little lost.  But we will always find our way back to happiness. Though, it never truly leaves.  

A +

A positive. That's my blood type. After 19 years, I finally know my blood type. 

Donating blood has always crossed my mind. But when the time came around to commit to the deed, I would totally panic. See, I'm completely TERRIFIED of needles, and the mere thought of blood makes me light headed. I admire those who have the guts donate, just never believed I could be a donor.

Until....

Someone very close to me battled a rotten disease. Treatment required multiple blood transfusions and bags of plasma. 

One day I expressed, "I don't know how you do it. I couldn't. I hate needles."
She replied, "I do, too."

In that moment, I realized something. Nobody particularly enjoys being poked and prodded. But the fact of the matter-- blood is important. It's precious. It's in short supply. And fear prevents perfectly qualified donors from offering up their arm. Perfectly qualified donors like me. 

In honor of my dear friend, I plan to put my excuses to the side and donate already-- as much as I can and as frequently as I can. 

This great life sometimes doesn't seem so great. Disease doesn't discriminate, and good people get sick. Good people who count on others to save them. YOU can SAVE them. 

Maybe you're afraid. But so are they. They just don't have a choice. You do. Choose to make a difference. Choose life, and join me on this life giving journey. 

Facts from American Red Cross:

• 1 pint of blood can save up to 3 lives
• Every 2 seconds someone needs a blood transfusion
• 5 million patients in the US need blood every year
• Platelets, critical for cancer patients, have a shelf life of only 5 days
• Adults have around 10 pints of blood in their body. 1 pint is given during donation
• Donors can give blood every 56 days. Platelet donors can give every 7 days.

  

Letting Go.

I captured this photo pre-heart break. I captured this before life got complicated. Never expecting that soon I would open my heart to a guy. Never expecting that I would love, and care deeply for, someone who would never love me. 

 I vividly remember the day I snapped this picture. It was a fall day; a bit chilly. Colorful leaves gently glided towards the ground, saying good-bye to the trees. And only a few clung on-- not ready to let go. Not ready to say good-bye.

It was the beginning of my senior year in high school. I walked through the doors, ready to make the most of my limited time left. With high spirits and high hopes, I wore the biggest smile. My best friends were in the majority of my classes-- this was going to be a year to remember. 

As a fresh member of the newspaper staff, I was happily surprised when I learned that the majority of class time is spent in the office- working on layout, or the next assigned story. It was a laid back environment, a tight knit group of people, and where many special memories would be made. 

It was there that I re-connected with an old pal from middle school. A really nice guy and funny. We became good friends, and had fun joking around. When we were together, I was able to de-stress and just have fun. There was no such thing as a serious conversation between us- we clicked. I never saw us as anything but friends. Until I started caring, really genuinely caring. I'll spare the details--- Basically, I thought we had the same morals. But he changed. And maybe I changed, too. But things would never be the same. Our friendship would never be the same. 

Love complicates things. Loving someone means risk. And sometimes risk means loss. In this case, I lost a really good friend. I lost him because things got complicated. I lost him because he became a person I didn't recognize. I lost him because I couldn't save him. I couldn't stop him from the choices he was making. I couldn't change him. And I couldn't make him love me back. 

This was my first encounter with heart break. No, I was never "in love". I just loved him, as a person. After connecting with someone on that level, is letting go possible? I believe that I'll always hold a special place in my heart for that old friend. Some part of me will always wish things could have been different. 

But I wish that I would've let go long before I actually did. Because like those stubborn leaves on the tree-- I clung on. Not ready to let go. Not ready to say good-bye.

Wounds heal, it's true. But it doesn't mean that they never happened. It doesn't mean a scar won't form to signify the struggle. I've healed. I've moved on. I've let go. But there will always be a scar, marking my very first heart break.

This great life throws some curve balls every now and then. Sometimes we duck, other times we get hit. Either way we will be okay. 

I captured this photo post-heart break. All the leaves have fallen. Ready to let go. Ready to say good-bye.

Half.

In the past, when someone mentioned a "runner" an image came to mind. I pictured a perfectly fit physique, gliding through a fast paced jog. To be honest, I was a little intimidated. Little did I know, I'd become one. 

I'm a size 14, who truly enjoys exercise. I used to stick to the light stuff. You know, pilates and cardio. Never did I ever think I'd be capable of running a half marathon. 

Two of my best friends and I ran the Flying Pig Marathon in Cincinnati, OH in May of this year. And it was the best experience I've ever had. The training was tough-- sticking to the regimen required discipline. I was a new runner, and I faced physical challenges. Pushing by body to the extreme. What I realized through running is we are capable of so much more than we give ourselves credit. It's amazing how we have the ability to mentally and physically drive our bodies towards success. 

I was terrified on race day. I've never felt so apprehensive. Worst case scenarios crossed my mind. What if I don't finish in the required time? What if I can't finish at all? Can I really do this? But I had to put my fears to the side. I promised out loud, "I'm going to do this!" I took my place, listened for the start-- and before I knew it, my feet were moving outrageously fast, eager to cross the finish line. 

Around mile 9 my body began fatiguing. Mental mojo was running low, and I took the pace wayyy down. It was then I spotted an older woman, tired and worn. She was very curvy and sported a determined look on her face. We were going at the same pace, when suddenly something came over her. She pushed her already pushed self, and began running- full speed ahead. She passed me and about three other people around us. There she went, into the distance- refusing to let anything stop her. In that special moment, I reflected on my preconceived notion regarding "runners". The truth is, everyone is a runner. There is no specific shape or look. Runners are people. People who are mentally strong. People who tolerate pain. People who push through the agony. People like that woman I observed. 

I'll never forget that woman or what she taught me about others-- about myself. Because of her, I put forth more effort during rest of the race. She inspired me. 

3 hours and 16 minutes from the start, I crossed that finish line. When they put the metal around my neck an indescribable feeling came over me. I DID IT! That half marathon proved that ANYTHING is possible. With an open mind and strong desire- you CAN do ANYTHING. 

This great life can be a real roller coaster ride. Sometimes it's those low points we tend to focus on. When I catch myself dwelling on a negative situation or caught in a rut, I think of that finish line. I think of that inspirational woman. And I realize that I'm blessed. 

2014 we're signing up for the Flying Pig, again!! I'm SO VERY excited. This time, I'm not going to doubt myself. This time, I'll believe in myself... really believe. 

Snap shots from RACE DAY!