Letting Go.

I captured this photo pre-heart break. I captured this before life got complicated. Never expecting that soon I would open my heart to a guy. Never expecting that I would love, and care deeply for, someone who would never love me. 

 I vividly remember the day I snapped this picture. It was a fall day; a bit chilly. Colorful leaves gently glided towards the ground, saying good-bye to the trees. And only a few clung on-- not ready to let go. Not ready to say good-bye.

It was the beginning of my senior year in high school. I walked through the doors, ready to make the most of my limited time left. With high spirits and high hopes, I wore the biggest smile. My best friends were in the majority of my classes-- this was going to be a year to remember. 

As a fresh member of the newspaper staff, I was happily surprised when I learned that the majority of class time is spent in the office- working on layout, or the next assigned story. It was a laid back environment, a tight knit group of people, and where many special memories would be made. 

It was there that I re-connected with an old pal from middle school. A really nice guy and funny. We became good friends, and had fun joking around. When we were together, I was able to de-stress and just have fun. There was no such thing as a serious conversation between us- we clicked. I never saw us as anything but friends. Until I started caring, really genuinely caring. I'll spare the details--- Basically, I thought we had the same morals. But he changed. And maybe I changed, too. But things would never be the same. Our friendship would never be the same. 

Love complicates things. Loving someone means risk. And sometimes risk means loss. In this case, I lost a really good friend. I lost him because things got complicated. I lost him because he became a person I didn't recognize. I lost him because I couldn't save him. I couldn't stop him from the choices he was making. I couldn't change him. And I couldn't make him love me back. 

This was my first encounter with heart break. No, I was never "in love". I just loved him, as a person. After connecting with someone on that level, is letting go possible? I believe that I'll always hold a special place in my heart for that old friend. Some part of me will always wish things could have been different. 

But I wish that I would've let go long before I actually did. Because like those stubborn leaves on the tree-- I clung on. Not ready to let go. Not ready to say good-bye.

Wounds heal, it's true. But it doesn't mean that they never happened. It doesn't mean a scar won't form to signify the struggle. I've healed. I've moved on. I've let go. But there will always be a scar, marking my very first heart break.

This great life throws some curve balls every now and then. Sometimes we duck, other times we get hit. Either way we will be okay. 

I captured this photo post-heart break. All the leaves have fallen. Ready to let go. Ready to say good-bye.