The vault of shame

I know I've written about this issue before, but it's because I'm so passionate about women's rights. The sexual objectification in media has got to stop. It's promoting disrespect, humiliation, and inferiority regarding women. It's NOT okay. As consumers, we sit back and wonder how we can change the perception. How can I possibly make a difference? And that's when silence sets in. BUT silence never solved any problems. 

I'm so saddened by the acceptance, of this unfair depiction, among my generation. I can't tell you how many girls I personally know, who are obvious "booty calls". I can't tell you how many of them think it's okay for a guy to treat them like utter shit. I can't begin to describe the change that is very real and very scary-- in our society. Shifting from insinuation, to bluntly stating....sex sells. Yet, it's never the males who are sexually exploited. It's never the males who are undressed in music video's. No, they are of power. Wait...aren't we, too? 

Let our voices be heard. Don't sit back and watch the world unravel, thinking someone else will save it. YOU save it. YOU speak up. YOU speak out. YOU stand up for yourself and future generations. Because if women accept being disrespected in media and in real life-- it's only going to get worse. 

How do we stop it? We stop buying the products. We stop watching the music video's. We stop our friends' when they make degrading comments. We educate people. We SPREAD the message. 

E-mail these companies. Tell them why you're not buying anymore. And stick to that promise. Women, I am sick and tired of waiting around. I am sick and tired of waiting for change. I am sick and tired of seeing breasts and skin exposed on the television and in movies. I am sick and tired of being looked at for the body under my clothes, instead of the brain in my head. I am disgusted by the conversations I over hear, men objectifying women-- and women laughing along. It's never going to be okay. 

Below is an example of educating a company on their unfair depictions. Join me in this movement. Don't be invisible. Be heard.  

In response to Herbal Essences, "hairgasm" campaign:

I am writing to inform this company that I will no longer buy, or promote, any products. The current ad campaign proves to be significantly degrading to women and inappropriate in general. It saddens me to see such compliance with the existing advertising schemes. Sex sells. As a consumer, I understand this motto. However, this technique does not work. Shampoo is shampoo. People will buy your product because it is efficient, not because of Nicole Scherzinger sexually exploiting the female gender through advertisement. I recommend creativity. "Hairgasm" is not creative. "Hairgasm" is simply adding fuel to the fire regarding oppression of the female gender. It is companies, as this one, that make the fight for equality terribly difficult. The commercials are widely inappropriate, not representative of the actual effects of the product, and quite humiliating to females everywhere. The next time this company has a round table for advertising ideas, I simply suggest that a little more artistic creativity be part of the process. Sex is everywhere. It does not make this company stand out. What it does-- is degrade females. I am an educated woman, and I do not appreciate being depicted as an air headed, bimbo, who sexually groans while washing my hair. The image of women that this company is promoting makes me sick. It is disgusting. It is unrepresentative of consumers. It is sad. I will spread this message to everyone I come in contact with, males included. I will write this message on my blog, on other blogs, on the internet, and personally-- to companies as this one. By using this common technique, a multitude of customers has been lost. I will continue to spread the word, to spread knowledge, and to educate companies--like this one-- on the unfair depiction in advertising methods. With all due respect, the current commercials are of utmost insult. I encourage this company to take them off of the air and into the vault of shame. After those steps have been taken, I would encourage some brain storming. FRESH ideas. Not USED ones.

Hey, Tom!

You get invited to dinner. It's supposed to be a girls night. Only all of your girls have boys. By boys, I mean boyfriends. So, it turns into.. "Hey-- I'd love to see you, would you mind being the third wheel?"

Of course, it's never bluntly said like this. Sometimes it's even a surprise. "Oh, hey! Thought it was just you and I... uhh, hey Tom?" *look at friend with 'oh no you didn't' face*

One way or another, you find yourself at this dinner. And everyone is coupled up. And laughing. And happy. And you're completely thrilled that they've found that special someone...but this whole night just turned into a reminder of how single and alone you really are..and it's quite devastating, right?

Dinner is over, and after some great conversation (and a little self-reflection), you hug your besties goodnight. Say bye to the boyfriends with a wave. And drive yourself home. While they all hold hands, basically skipping to the car. 

Then, when the happily ever after part of your friends' relationships isn't so happy anymore...they call YOU. The single one. And you give them the best advice you can. Advice from your heart. They start to feel a bit better, and the next week they and "the guy" have smoothed things over. Phew. 

Then the dinner invites turn into a wedding invite. And the wedding invite turns into throwing a baby shower. And the baby shower turns into less dinner dates. And less dinner dates turns into minimal time with the girls who were once a huge part of your daily life. But now they've got their own. They're starting a family. And you're still alone. Single. And caught in the treacherous cycle of watching the happily ever after's without being a part of one. 

This...my dear, dear friends...is the type of situation that leads to settling for less than you're worth. It's kind of like, time is running out! I may not find someone else who loves me! Better snatch up this mediocre guy, who doesn't really make me especially happy! Because I'm behind in the process. 

Bad news-- settling is not the recipe to life. Good news-- you can make your own ingredients. 

I feel as if most people are afraid of ending up alone. SO, they will fill their lives with temporary loves, waiting for the "true" one. Dragging their boyfriends to romantic comedies, insinuating the love story they wish they had lived. Hoping they will pick up on the obvious cues. Waiting for them to change. Tolerating being treated like complete shit, because at least they have someone to keep the bed warm at night. This is not the American Dream. This is emptiness. 

People call me crazy. Even tell me to lower my standards. "You don't have a boyfriend?" *gasp* "WHY?" (then, I get the 'what's wrong with you' look..as if there must be something literally wrong with me) 

I then go onto explain how I'm simply waiting for the right guy. The guy who is full of imperfections, but despite everything, he's perfect for me. I tell them that I believe in fairy tales and true love. That I think the idea is almost extinct because people don't have enough patients to let it happen when it's supposed to. I say that if it never happens I will still be okay. Because at least I never gave up hope. 

They look at me like I'm naive. "This doesn't happen in real life." I get that a lot. But I just smile. Because I know it will happen to me. I just believe in love with my whole heart. And I know that I deserve the special kind of love. I know that I am the exception, not the rule-- no matter how many times people tell me otherwise. 

And I am telling you this, because I want you to believe it, too. Believe that you're worth more than mediocre. Believe that while your friends seem happy, they're not...because they're not with the right one. And they're wasting so much time with the temporary boyfriend-- that they're missing out on experiencing life for themselves. Exploring it on their own.

And when the time is right....some spectacular guy will enter your life. And he will make you realize why you never settled. And he will have been worth the wait.

Gay, straight, purple, or blue, believe me when I say YOU'RE BEAUTIFUL. There's NOTHING WRONG with you. I LOVE you, with every part of my soul. And I will believe in your fairy tale..I will pray for it...even when you have lost faith. 

In a room full of couples, let's be the example. Hey-- let's be single together. 

The power of a pencil

Why? .... 

At one point or another, I think we've all asked that question. Often times it's left unanswered. And there we are-- stuck. Confused. Hurt. Broken. Rejected. Cheated. There are a million different stories...different circumstances...different moments that lead us to ponder this very simple question. 

• Why did such a beautiful person have to die?
• Why did I allow a boy to control my emotions?
• Why did I dampen my morals to please someone else?
• Why, after I selflessly opened my heart and soul, did he crush my hopes? 
• Why did I waste my time feeding a relationship that starved long ago? 
• Why am I crying?
• Why am I here?
• Why am I lost?

The list goes on and on and forever. But I want to give you a fresh perspective. Because I have an answer.

God has a blueprint of your life, but nothing is set in stone. It's simply a path, and you're the tour guide. Destiny and fate decide the route's. Think of this blueprint as an outline. Basic events, basic people, basic places. You-- well, you're responsible for the "juicy" details.

See, God pencil's in the people, events, and situations that are meant to be uncomfortable, painful, and down right confusing. Why? Well, pencil isn't permanent. He needs you to meet these people. People who will make promises they can't keep. People who swear they'll change, only to repeat the same demeaning behavior. People who will disappoint you. People who have ill intentions. Meet them. Learn from them. Each experience will be a lesson. Once you've learned that lesson-- you gain wisdom. Once you've gained wisdom-- you spread that wisdom.. to prevent that hurt for someone else. And then...like MAGIC....God erases that bullet point from your outline. Check. And you move on to the next opportunity to grow. 

The pencil signifies a challenge that you will be strong enough to overcome. A challenge that God would not put in your life if He didn't think that you handle it. If He didn't think that you would become a better version of you because of it. If He didn't think it would bring you one step closer to the happiness you deserve. 

You know those people who say everything happens for a reason-- well.. I'm one of them. And I believe in the power of a pencil. 

I also believe the blueprint includes some sharpie marker. -- the sharpie represents those permanent things in life that never leave you. Sometimes it's the soul-mate you have yet to meet. Sometimes it's your best friend. Sometimes it's the beauty in a good day. Sharpie worthy moments are special. Hold them close. 

The next time you find yourself asking "why?" think about the power of a pencil. And don't forget about the eraser on the end of it.. reminding you that it won't last forever. 

You are the sharpie in the outline of my life. 

You are loved, 

Kelsie. 

A letter to my younger self

Dear sweet girl,

One day, you're going to make your dreams come true. You'll inspire many people. You'll even inspire yourself. So, for now-- take in all of life while you have the time. 

Don't be so scared of change, it will be kind to you. And don't feel as if you're not good enough-- just because you don't have a boyfriend. When you get older, you'll be SO VERY happy you waited-- trust me. 

But, don't stop believing in true love. Don't lose hope. Just know that you won't find it right now, so spend your worries on something else. And spend lots and lots of time with your best friends. You won't have that endless time when you grow up. Cherish it. Every. Single. Second. 

Don't be in such a hurry to speed up life. It will go faster than you think, and one day you will find yourself wishing that time would have passed a bit slower. Hug your bub tight and your parents, too. Someday soon you won't be able to hold them quite as close. 

Basically, what I want you to know-- is every mistake you make is good. Because you will learn important life lessons through the wounds. And you may even help a few friends along the way. 

I love you. I often miss you. And I'm always thinking of you. I promise that it will all work out. Keep shining. Keep smiling. 

Someone loves you,

me.