Sex & Society

I have been passively accepting the degradation against my sex. What's one more song, depicting us as sexual objects? What's one more movie, revealing more than our talent? What's one more ad on TV, using sexual groans and explicit content to showcase a product? As a society we come to accept the messages from media. We become numb to the humiliation, oppression, and objectification. We begin to stop singing the anthem, "I am woman hear me roar!" and instead succumb to the notion, "My worth is measured by my vagina." This explains why women stay with men who treat them poorly. This explains why women are competitively obsessing over appearance, instead of embracing their natural beauty. Because without a pretty face and a nice body, what's our purpose in this world?

We live in a modern society, yet our attitudes regarding sex and gender seem to be reverting to decades back. Women! We fought so hard to get where we are today. From protesting the government for the right to vote, to trading in our aprons and high heels for a brief case and an education, we have demanded gender equality. And in 2013 we are still fighting that battle. Why? Because we are letting them get away with it! 

As a young female, I am disgusted by the way I am portrayed in the society I live. See, society is sneaky. It has a way of slipping in messages to its people, without being blunt. Here are some examples. May they open your eyes to the world in which we inhabit. 

1. Commercials

 

Flip on the TV. Sooner or later you are bound to hear an orgasm through the speakers. Yes, an orgasm. Or, as Herbal Essences likes to cleverly refer to it, a "hairgasm". How creative, right? Well, Herbal Essences..these days it's hard to depict one sexual commercial from the next. You're not selling more product, you're simply sending a message to women everywhere. Buy this product and have an orgasm while you wash your hair. And maybe some people look at you funny when you get out of the shower. See how ridiculous that sounds? C'mon, you can do better than that. 

Need shoes? Just Fab evidently has both shoes and sexual moaning to offer. Maybe they'll begin a new advertisement campaign, "shoegasm".  I don't know about you, but I've never gotten that excited over a pair of shoes. It's just sad, really. And I often wonder what motivates these women to participate in these sexually explicit commercials, portraying us as air headed bimbos. They were either really desperate for 30 seconds of fame, or they have come to accept that women are only good for what they put out. I'd like to put my money on the first option, but it's a gamble for sure. 

 2.  Songs

"You look so much cuter with something in your mouth." That's the last line to the main chorus in Nickelback's song Something in your Mouth. I don't know about you, but that's about the most degrading statement out there. Over one million views on youtube. Why? Because people just accept the content. Sing it word for word. Bob their heads to the beat. Not even realizing the message. Women! According to Nickelback, we are a hell of a lot cuter with a penis in our mouths. Absolutely repulsive. 

  3. Movies

The first 20 seconds of the this hilarious movie is actually really unfortunate. Guy uses girl for sex only. Girl wants more. Guy doesn't. Guy is a jerk. Girl thinks it's okay. Girl keeps coming back. 20 seconds sums up most college "relationships". I'm not saying all, just most. And we laugh at this stuff. But why? Because it's funny. Or because we can relate? 

There's now a science to getting men to take you seriously. There's also a science to getting society to take you seriously. Neither science works. Because the answer isn't in the form of a formula. It's leading by example. 

__________________________________________

Know your worth and hold your head high. Stand tall, with your dignity in tact. We are women. We are powerful. We are not and WILL NOT be defined by sex. 

Halloween is coming up. Do us all a favor? Don't join in with the slutty ready made costumes..it only fuels the controversy we've been fighting. Shame on society for degrading us through media. And shame on us for letting them. 

Dancing with my dog

I've got three essays, online homework, studying to do, and note cards to make. But for some reason- time stopped me today. It's like-- it all hit me. Life. Progression. Happy times. Memories. Reflection. It all came at once.

See, I spent my entire high school career waiting for the day it would be over. I wanted to graduate already. I wanted to be an adult. I wanted to be taken seriously and take care of myself. Most importantly, I wanted to go to college, move away, and never look back.

Then, I got to college. And all I wanted to do was survive my freshman year and succeed, to prove I could handle it. Now, I'm in my sophomore year and tirelessly working to complete my psychology degree, so I can "get to grad school already". See a pattern, yet? I do.

The problem is-- I've been spending my whole life living for the future. Accomplishing one thing in order to progress to another. What happens when I've finally climbed to the top of the ladder? What happens when the goal setting and completing is over? When does wishing right now away, just to get to next week... stop? Does any of it even matter, if I have abandoned the "living" part of life?

Recent events have really opened my eyes. I can't be so goal oriented...so academically driven...so ambitious....that I forget to enjoy the journey that brings me to the destination.

It's sad that death has to teach us about life. And how much it matters. And how short it truly is. But the only thing that matters-- is that we finally learn. I finally did.

Currently, my chihuahua is dancing in circles-- trying to get my attention. The note cards can wait...I'm going to dance with my dog.

Sunshine.

My best friend, Courtney, is the brightest ray of sunshine you will ever meet. And this summer, when I had the privilege of meeting her loving family-- I finally got to see where that special spirit comes from. Though I never truly "got to know" them, their warm and welcoming nature could be distinctly felt. 

Courtney is the definition of a true friend. Someone who you can call, bawling your eyes out, and each consoling word that comes out her mouth is healing. 

Courtney is that girl. The one whose smile just makes your heart feel a little bit lighter. The one who asks how your day is going, when she's having a bad one. The one who is patient, when you don't make sense. The one who looks out for you, laughs with you, and always has the right words. 

I've been searching for those right words. And I haven't found them. Because there's nothing I can say. Nothing that will heal her wound. Nothing that will ease her pain. Nothing that will bring back the sweetest little boy, who is her brother. 

If I could I take away every ounce of her pain, I would. I think we all would. But we can't.

So instead, I'm going hug my loved one's a little tighter. I'm going to go through my life with a new outlook. With a new appreciation for everything and everyone. I'm going to try to be a little bit more like Jake. Because from what I've read, and from I've heard, he was one stellar human being. Someone who made quite the difference- to our entire community.

I think the question we are left with-- is where do we find peace. And I think answer is-- from each other. I've never in my life teared up scrolling through my Facebook feed. Not until tonight- when I felt more love and unity than ever.

I've never been more inspired. And I've never been prouder to be a slicer. 

Dining for one

Today I listened to my inner McAlister's fan. After an early morning test, I decided it was time to grub. So, to celebrate- I took a trip down the road to McAlister's. It's my all-time favorite place to eat here in Indy. If you haven't been-- you HAVE to go! Friends were busy, so I decided to dine in by myself. 

Now, I don't know how many of you have eaten at a restaurant alone, but I felt a little uneasy at first. Once I arrived, though, the relaxing atmosphere made me feel welcome. Yeah, I was at the right place.

After I ordered I thought... "what to do?.." The answer- PEOPLE WATCH! It's such a FUN hobby. I just love watching them, trying to figure out their lives, witnessing their honest moments. It's peaceful. And today, it was inspirational.

I took a plop outside. The temperature was perfect. Flowers were fragrant in the air. And-- there were even little birds perched on the fence. I sat there. At first- a little frazzled. My mind racing, thinking of everything on my "to-do" list. Wondering how it was even humanly possible to get it done. Pondering my life- obligations- and piled high assignments. 

As I was busy worrying, I heard some belly laughter from a nearby table. It was five elderly women. Silver hair. Great fashion sense. Dainty make-up. And my inner stalker/eavesdropper came to surface.

They were catching up. Talking about life, old memories, hot men, and there were even a few sexual comments. I LOVED it. They were hilarious. 

Their raw, genuine happiness sparked some self-reflection on my part. I thought about my life. I imagined me, 40 years from now- at that table- reminiscing with my girls. Where will we all be? What will we have gone through by then?

I thought about getting older and how I will handle it. I thought about time and how fast it truly flies. I thought about my family & friends and  how much I love and miss them. Most of all- I thought about these last years in college. I only have two more. Why is it that I complain so often, when I'm blessed with so much. 

People can tell us a million times to cherish every second of your life- but we won't. No, not until something opens our eyes. Something as simple as witnessing a conversation between old friends. 

These last two years are the time to make those "belly laugh" worthy memories. This is the time to appreciate being in school. It's a time to value the friends who surround you. Because- chances are.. after graduation- everyone is going to be busy building their own lives. Raising their own children. Going their own direction. And it won't be until all of that settles down- before you come back together, and meet for lunch- where you'll recall all those times you spent together. When you'll be brought back to a place you once couldn't wait to leave. And that place will hold the biggest smiles in your heart.

Those beautiful ladies were amusing. They were also a reminder. 50 years from now really is going to feel like yesterday..only it won't be. I don't know about you- but I hope I'm at that table, wrinkles and all, still laughing. Still the same quirky, wild, edgy me. Surrounded by pals who bring out the best in me. I can only pray that one day- I'll be sitting right were they were. Remembering the past and making new memories as I do it. 


                                                 

10 reasons it's going to be okay

Rough day? Tough week? I totally get it. Been there. BUT! My sad little friend, I'm here to put the pep back in your step. I'm going to put the Alfredo sauce back on your noodles! Oh, wow.. okay..that came out wrong- but you catch the drift.

Feel lousy NO MORE! (and I hope you're smiling by this point..no, not even a little one? ahh- there we go) Okay, so now that we're all smiling, here are 10 reasons why everything is going to be okay.

Uno. 

Tu eres muy bonita! (insert needed accent marks). Just kidding, I'm not here to speak a foreign language or convince you that life is all goo goo's and gaga's- even though that first statement is true. (you know- the one about you being beautiful.)  I just want you to know that you're enough. And whatever problem/situation/drama that's infecting your mood right now..well, it's probably meant to be.

Two. 

What is bothering you? I'm not asking a rhetorical question. I want you to say it. Right now. Just talk to your computer. I want you to cry. Stop being so strong for everyone. Let. It. Out. Sometimes  tears pave the way to the next chapter. They allow you to rid of emotion and hurt and stress. Open  the dam. (in this case..your tear ducts) Let out the water. Then, when it's all gone..shut the door. And start fresh.

Three.

Allie and Noah found each other after 7 years a part. Trust me, you'll find your way. (don't grow a beard along the way, though. Pretty sure Ryan Gossling is the only man who I'm still attracted to with a beard.)

Four. 

Those people you're trying to impress? They're weird, too. They're just too busy blending in and not brave enough to stand out. So, take a stance. Stand out! Even if they're hating on you for it. PS) As  my wise cousin, Katie Latimer, says.."Haters gonna hate. Potatoes gonna Po Tate."

Five: 

You'll come out of this mess a winner. I mean, Chris Brown made a comeback.

Six:   

You don't owe anything to anyone. Feel how you want to feel. Be justified in knowing that you know what's best for you. I don't mean to sound like a hallmark card, but being confident in who you  are- what you want- and where you are going is soo hard.. but I know, in my heart that one day you'll get there. I already believe it. Why don't you?

Seven:

You don't have chlamydia.. or do you? Just teasing. See, humor is literally a funny thing. Stop being so serious. And just laugh/joke about the situation- or just in general. It'll make you feel  better.

Eight:

People who are confused will fall into old habits. Break promises. Seeking validation from others and acceptance, not caring who gets hurt along the way. And maybe that's the reason why you're reading this. Or maybe it's not. Say how you feel. Apologize. Or live with it, free of outside input. Whatever the case- whoever you are- it's never too late. But I think you already know that.

Nine:

When no one understands you, music will.

Ten:

Oprah Winfrey says that  true forgiveness is saying, "thank you for that experience." How beautiful is that? And it applies to so much more than forgiveness. So, when it's over- say thank you. Be grateful. And know that you- being different than everyone else- is a blessing to the entire world. EMBRACE IT!

Keep dancing. Sizzle & spice make for excellent times!

What if I told you?

The healing process. Why does it seem never ending? Why is it that half a year can go by..without a thought of "that one guy who I totally liked". Then, one day- all these emotions just knock on my door, without warning. Without welcome. And it's on my mind. It's annoying and painful. 

It's been a little over a year. I should've forgotten him by now, right? Believe me when I tell you that every single atom of my body wants to move on and forget him. Every ounce of my soul yearns for an undamaged heart. So to answer that question--Oh, boy.. do I wish it were that easy.

I'm no expert. But I think the reason I get these "knocks" on my door...is because I never really let the emotions out in the first place. I've held onto them..deep inside, fearing vulnerability. Burying the experience and ignoring it. But repression is a temporary solution. So, today..I share with you my vulnerability. I'm getting the shovel and digging back up the unfinished business that lives in my heart. With hopes of truly healing, with a lifetime free of those awful reminders.

See, the truth is- and it's almost sickening to admit- that I miss the feelings I had when I was with him. I miss his care free spirit and ability to make me laugh. Like really genuinely..obnoxiously..belly laugh. I miss how a conversation about nothing could turn into the best moments, ever. I miss the feeling of butterflies- that only he could give me. That giddiness..that happiness...that wholeness... I miss his smile and bickering back and forth. I miss the nicknames and pure fun times. I miss saying the most embarrassing things, because I was so darn nervous. I miss looking up music video's and telling him stories. I miss having such a special connection with someone.I miss having him in my life. I just miss my friend. And trust me, I feel like a complete idiot saying all of this. I feel like I'm making a fool of myself. Because why- WHY- has it been so difficult for me...to say goodbye.. 

I'm afraid that I'll never have an experience like that again. So, I hold on to every memory.. so I'll never forget what it's like. So I remember that there's hope. That it exists. To meet someone who drives you crazy..but against all odds- you manage to love them anyway. Just for who they are. I loved him as a person. I was never in love with him. And that's the hard part. Recognizing that now..after I've already lost him. 

There's a song by Jason Walker..titled, What if I told you. I agonize over that question. Lose sleep over it. What if I'd just told him how I felt, before it was too late. When he asked me what was wrong..what if I had told him the truth, instead of lying? Not a day goes by that it doesn't cross my mind. Pathetic, right? 

But there's also a part of me that is so very angry. That's so disgusted with myself- for even wanting to put myself in that position again. He hurt me. So bad. And because of that experience, I have a terribly tough time with letting people get close to me. In fact, I'm a master at ignoring guys. To protect my heart- I stay numb. To the entire "guy" situation. It scares the hell out of me. But I'm sick and tired of this pity party. It's got to end. This merry go 'round of emotion must come to a halt. And I'm the only one operating this ride. So, I have the power to make it end. 

That said- Here's my goodbye letter.


To whom it may concern,

I'm better than this. I'm no longer weak. In fact, I welcome vulnerability. Because it means I still care. And what do we have- if we don't care. I've spent long enough pondering the "what if's" and "why's". I'm over playing a victim. Because I am not a victim. I am victorious. Because I have survived. Yes, something undesirable happened. So, what? There will be many times in my life where I'm challenged. But never forget what those obstacles teach us. I met a good guy. And I've been pegging him as the bad guy for way too long. He was a decent person, who taught me that it's possible to love. He gave me a brief insight to feeling for someone else. And although he may not have reciprocated those feelings towards me, he taught me an important lesson. Through the experience of meeting him, I realized what it's like to not have control over a situation. To guide with my heart, instead of my mind- for once. He taught me that friendship doesn't mean forever. That life can sometimes get complicated. And that it's okay to let go. I'm confident that he has- long ago. So, now..it's my turn. To let go. From the bottom of my heart, I wish him the absolute best. I pray that he will meet someone half as awesome as he is. And I pray that they will deeply love each other..and that it will work out for them. I hope that his dreams come true. I hope that one day, he can forgive me...for being an overemotional girl. A long time ago..I made peace with him. And I truly feel as though from that point on, he hasn't been the issue. Just the emotions that came with the experience. It was just remembering the way I felt. Not so much wanting him back. 

Today I let go all of the emotions of that long forgotten friendship. I release my self of the pondering. I free myself of blaming him for any issues in my life. I retire my title of "victim". No longer will I waste another second, minute, or day thinking of old times. It's over. Life is still moving. And it's time to get on a track that's going somewhere..instead of this dead end. It's so hard to explain..but this huge weight has been lifted off of my shoulders. And I finally feel confident saying..."goodbye". 

There, I finally told you.

Kelsie

19 years ago today.

19 years ago today, my baby sister was born. 

In technical terms, Katie is my cousin. Her father is my mother's brother. (Try saying that ten times fast) She was welcomed by three older brothers, and it was my first encounter with another "girl" in the family. I was only a one year old when she came into this great life..so I don't remember much surrounding her initial arrival. What I do remember is my childhood, with her, at our grandma Sandy's. 

I remember wearing our grandma's high heals and lip stick at age 3. I remember fighting on the first step of the stairs, for hours. I remember walking to the Hanna store..and while Kate was fearless on that 2 mile journey, I (the paranoid one) carried a nail file in my back pocket, "just in case". I remember grandma putting hot rollers in our hair. And during the wait until the reveal, Katie did my makeup, and I did hers. And oh boy, did we feel like movie stars. I remember sneaking down those creaking stairs, trying not to make a sound, and crawling to the computer chair, where our grandpa was playing spider solitaire. We would release that lever on the bottom of the chair, and he would jolt down, startled. (how mean was this?!) He wasn't too happy, but he still loved us..even if we were ornery. I remember putting ribbons and bows in his silver hair and laughing really hard. I remember baking homemade cookies with grandma, and while Kate was always the "cook" I just kind of watched and ate the dough. I remember Dr. Cassel and playing restaurant. I remember Rebecca's and singing contests. I remember practicing corn rows on each other, till our heads hurt..and playing cards at the river. And most of all, I remember having a sister..even though I really didn't have a sister at all. 

Katie gave me memories. Good memories. Memories that bring tears to your eyes, from laughter. And the ones that I've shared are only a few pages in a very large book. 

We understand each other and our crazy family. And I know that through each important event in my life..she will be there. I know that through every adventure and risk, Katie will support me. I know that I know what it's like to have a true and genuine sister, because of her. 

I often wonder, what if. What if my uncle and aunt hadn't been in the right place at the right time? What if they'd never met, and I'd never had Kate. And the answer to those "what if's" is my childhood would have been empty. So, when it comes to Katie's birthday, I'm reminded of how lucky I am..all because she was born. 

Happy Birthday, Katie. And if you're reading, I hope you know how very proud I am of my favorite girl. I love you, sis. 

Wishing my readers a day full of love and happiness. May your hearts stay warm.